Star Cloud Episode III Some Like Them Living: Scripted Saturdays

Welcome, welcome, welcome! Another week of Scripted Saturdays is now at hand! If you don’t know who I am, I’m Timothy S Purvis. Thanks for coming to my blog and reading my work. I hope you’re enjoying it all and hope you’ll come back again next week!

This third episode of my series Star Cloud was written around 2008-2009 and shows a marked improvement in the humor. Though the animation wasn’t quite as good as I was hoping for. Regardless, it started getting funnier from here on out.

Anyhow, thanks for reading and read to you again soon!








[Cloud, Raph, and some others stare in horror at Tifa who is scratching her ass with her head on backwards.]

CLOUD: Well!? Are you gonna fix her?!

RAPH: I… I think we can try beaming!

CLOUD: Beaming?

RAPH: Yes. We can take turns beaming your girlfriend in the next room. And if that doesn’t work, we can always–

TIFA: Let’s just do it! I’ll try anything once!

RAPH: All right. Just stand here. Crewman.

CREWMAN 1: Aye, sir. Lock one. Lock two. Lock three. Loklor.




[Tifa beams into next room. We see silhouette of perspective from behind her and a screen on the wall in front of her. Raph’s face is on there.]

RAPH: All right, now we’ll beam you back.

TIFA: No, no. Forget it! No more beaming! I’ll just walk!




[Tifa enters the next room. Cloud smiles when he sees her.]

CLOUD: All hail Tifa!

ALL: Tifa!

TIFA: Uh… okay.

RAPH: You look so much better.

TIFA: Thanks. Cloud! Oh, it’s so good to see you. What happened?  The last thing I remember we were admiring your statue and then…

CLOUD: Yeah. Barret shot your head off.

TIFA: Oh. Well that explains–wait… what!?

CLOUD: But that’s not important. You wouldn’t believe everything that’s been going on since you checked out!

TIFA: He shot my head off!?

CLOUD: I found myself beamed aboard this starship where I became captain after an unfortunate incident involving the former captain, his ex-lover, and an electric dildo.

TIFA: That son-of-a-bitch!

CLOUD: Yeah! And that’s not even the half of it! The ex-lover came back as an unstoppable killing machine that calls itself Er2Ni2!

RAPH: To be honest, sir, we haven’t stayed still long enough to find out if he’s an unstoppable killing machine or not.

TIFA: I can’t believe Barret shot my fucking head off!

CLOUD: Tifa, there are a lot more important things going on than Barret’s having shot your head off. Like that really weird distortion wave that transformed us all into really super cooler versions of our former selves!

TIFA: One of our allegedly best friends blows my head off and the only thing you care about is a better set of clothes!?

CLOUD: What’s the problem? You’re alive aren’t you? Besides it was beneficial to all of us! Look at yourself! You’re so much sexier than you were before!

TIFA: What!?

CLOUD: And now no one has to see your ass when you’re walking from underneath that barely there skirt!

TIFA: Hey…!

CLOUD: And check it out, your breasts no longer look like missile silos ready to launch! They’re now proportionate to your body frame!

RAPH: Got the leftovers!

[Stands in next room holding two round things.]

RAPH: And they’re excellent specimens!

TIFA: …er…

[An image appears on a nearby wall showing Tifa before and after.]

RAPH: Yes, as you can see, there have been significant improvements here…

[Points at breasts]

RAPH: Here…

[Points to butt regions]

RAPH: And… here.

[Points to her face.]


[Narrows her eyes and stares at Raph.]

CLOUD: Not to mention, we’re now fully articulated!

[Moves arm up and down.]

TIFA: Is that so? Bend your wrist.

CLOUD: Oh, don’t worry! I can manage just fine!

TIFA: All right! I don’t want to know! Aren’t there more pressing matters than how short my skirt was!?

CLOUD: Hey, when I can see your crotch from my perspective in a full standing position, your skirt is way too short!!

RAPH: Oooooo… Care to slip that back on?

TIFA: Moving on!

CLOUD: [Wraps arm around Tifa.] Don’t worry, Tifa! You’ll come to love it here! And you’ll love our mission too! To boldly go!

TIFA: Boldly go where?

CLOUD: That’s just it, to boldly go.

TIFA: I see.

RAPH: I’d like to see you boldly go put that skirt back on!


[Glares at Raph through narrowed eyes. Cloud smiles.]




[Donnie walks down the hall somberly feeling distressed.]

DONNIE: [Thinking.] Gee. I hope we did the right thing with Master Splinter. He couldn’t be allowed to continue on being a teriyaki junkie, though. Still I feel bad.



[Enters his quarters and sees something OS.]

DONNIE: What the!? Can… can it be?!

[Close up of a girl’s face.]

DONNIE: Irma!!




[Door slides open to reveal Cloud and Tifa. People scream. Men cover themselves. Tifa looks embarrassed.]

CLOUD: And this is the bathroom! Though the toilets are strangely in another room.

TIFA: Cloud, I don’t think we’re supposed to be in here. At least, I’m not!

CLOUD: Hmm. It’s all right. I have a private one anyway. Though it isn’t as big.

[Door shuts.]




[Cloud and Tifa stand on the bridge near the turbolift with Cloud indicating the rest of the room with his outstretched hand.]

CLOUD: This is the bridge.




[Cloud stands beside Tifa in a random hallway on one of the stops along the turbolift’s path. Once more his hand and arm are outstretched indicating the area.]

CLOUD: This is the hallway.




CLOUD: This is some random bald dude’s room.

BALD DUDE: What the hell!?

TIFA: Cloud, uhm, as fascinating as this is, can we take a break?

CLOUD: Oh, sure.

TIFA: [Looks at bald dude] Sorry.




[Cloud and Tifa enter and head to a table where Mike and Raph sit with crewman Squall.]

SQUALL: I’m tellin’ ya, I’ve done everything I can to escape her… but she just keeps finding me!

MIKE: Uh… have you tried tellin’ her how you feel?

SQUALL: This isn’t a girl you just say no to. …Not this one.

[Looks away and shivers.]

SQUALL: The only reason I joined this crew is because this ship doesn’t stop for long. It just keeps going and that’s good. Elsewise, she’ll find me.

[Cloud and Tifa walk up to the table.]

CLOUD: Hey, guys. Oh Mike, we’ll be stopping over for a few weeks at Star Station Dy Gres pretty soon. So, you’ll be able to stock up on those pork rinds.

MIKE: Righteous!

[Squall looks appalled.]

SQUALL: Nooo! Nooo!! Must escape!

[Squall runs away. Cloud watches puzzled as Tifa sits down.]

CLOUD: What’s his problem?

MIKE: I don’t know. Some stalker chick.

RAPH: Women.

CLOUD: Really.

TIFA: You idiots ever think that the reason why so many women are crazy is because men like you make us that way?

[They all look at her funny.]

CLOUD: What do you mean?

TIFA: [Sighs.] Nevermind.

[Donnie walks in with Irma.]

DONNIE: Hey guys! Guess who I found!

MIKE: Hey Don, I… [Screams] I… I… I…

RAPH: [Stammers] NghNghNghNgh

MIKE: B,b,b,b,b,b,…

DONNIE: It’s Irma!

MIKE: Uh… where the hell’d you dig her up at?

RAPH: [Slaps Mike behind the head.] Dumbass!

MIKE: Ow! What!?

[Leo walks in and sees the confusion. He approaches the table.]

LEO: What’s the problem, guys? You, act like you saw aaaa ooooh my god! Irma!? Mike, get a gun!

MIKE: Right.

DONNIE: What is your guys’s problem?! You remember Irma, right?

LEO: Yeah… we remember Irma, Donnie. Don’t you?

DONNIE: Well of course I do!

IRMA: It’s sooo nice seeing you again!

DONNIE: Well, we’ll see you later.

[They walk off leaving everyone staring in horror.]

CLOUD: I don’t get it.

LEO: It’s a long story.

MIKE: How’d she get on the ship?

TIFA: She seems nice.

CLOUD: Wooa! Why are you hangin’ all over me?! You’re so suffocating!

TIFA: What the hell are you talkin’ about!?

RAPH: Sometimes a man just needs his space. You’ve been here a while, gotten to know the ship. You should understand how it is.

TIFA: I just got here! Ugh. Whatever. Where’s your room at? [Looks at Cloud]


TIFA: So, I can go destroy it! Besides, I don’t imagine you gave me one, did you? [Flutters eyelids]

CLOUD: Not as far as I’m aware. So, you want to go womanize mine eh? You know it’s right next to the bridge.

TIFA: Uh–huh.

CLOUD: Or you can do what I always do and just ask the computer.

TIFA: You have to ask the computer where your room is?

CLOUD: Yeah. Why?

TIFA: No reason.

LEO: Wow. She is clingy.

CLOUD: Really.




[Donnie and Irma walk along to go to the entertainment room.  It’s near where the bridge is. Donnie has to use the restroom though.]

DONNIE: I’ll be right back

[He smiles]

IRMA: And I’ll be waiting!




[She waits until he is gone and darts into a side room. She pulls out a device and turns it on. An image appears.]

VOICE: Finally. Word has come.

IRMA: Yes, my master.




[Tifa walks hurriedly down the hall trying to find Cloud’s room.  She is flustered and griping to herself.]

TIFA: Frickin’ idiots! All that beaming must have warped his fragile little mind! Where is that room?  Huh?

[She walks down a short hall into a small room thinking it might lead to Cloud’s room. She sees Irma kneeling before an image and stays hidden in shadows.]




[Irma walks into a private room at the end of a hall and kneels before a projection she initiates. Unknown to her, Tifa has followed her and hides behind the doorway frame which remains open due to an oversight by Irma herself.]

IRMA: Master, I have succeeded in infiltrating the ship as you have asked.

ER2NI2: Excellent work, my child. Now you must destroy the engine so that we can annihilate that fool Cloud and his faithful followers.

IRMA: As you command, my master.

[Tifa gasps to herself and rushes back to the lounge area.]




[Leo, Mikey, and Cloud sit at a table in the Ten Forward lounge talking amongst themselves.]

LEO: So, Irma died that day and we buried her on Planet Retro.

CLOUD: She… looks awfully lively for a dead person.

MIKE: I hate to see Donnie resorting to Necrophilia.

[Raph slaps Mike’s head again. Tifa rushes in and sits down at the table panting heavily.]

CLOUD: You raze my room yet?

[Tifa shakes her head.]

TIFA: No… I… [Gasps] …Have important…

CLOUD: You’d better get a move on. My room ain’t gonna ruin itself.

TIFA: Will you shut up for a minute!? Irma’s not what she seems!

CLOUD: You’re tellin’ me.

RAPH: We were just briefin’ Cloud on that fact. Uh… how did you find out?

MIKE: Her head didn’t fall off…did it?

TIFA: …What?! No, she’s secretly communicating with this robot thing via some holographic display!

LEO: Er2Ni2!

CLOUD: [Screams. Close up.]

TIFA: [Pan back] What the hell was that!?

CLOUD: It’s the end of the episode.

TIFA: What!?

CLOUD: I have to scream at the end of every episode.

TIFA: [To Raph] Has he lost his mind?

RAPH: He’s your boyfriend, you tell us.

CLOUD: [Screams.]




Thanks for stopping by and read to you all again next week! Star Cloud scripts will continue from here until finished! And then I have a few more extras that I found I think you might like. Stay tuned!

~Timothy S Purvis

VVVV It’s the original format of Star Cloud Episode Three! Watch it now! Click it to go to my YouTube page! VVVVV



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I mean, if you like my work, of course. No pressure. Just trying to find my way in this world without working menial tasks and suffering physical and mental issues as a result. If only I could merely stay home and write. That would be my most epic fantasy brought to life. Well, if you don’t want to do that, you could also donate to my cause down below after all is said and done. It would help. You know, if you liked what you saw and all. Up to you. I don’t have a lot of reviews on my materials because of low sales. I mean, very, very low sales. In the single digits. Right now, I have to rely on Pubby for reviews and those people only read your synopsis and recap it for a five star review. I want honest opinions. Not mean ones, but honest. So, if you ever find yourself buying some of my work, I’d certainly appreciate some feedback. Again, up to you.

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