ALL GOOD THINGS…

I’ve recently decided that YouTube isn’t much in the way of recognizing its creators anymore. So I’m stepping away from the platform for the time being to concentrate on writing my novel. I had planned on writing up my Last Jedi review ( a movie which I adore!) and a new Star Cloud series. But every video I try to post anymore is getting flagged for being ‘inappropriate’. Well, fuck you Youtube. I’ve been inappropriate since day one! And you care now?! Pffft. In the end it seems corporations are more ‘people’ than the people who keep corporations in business. Guess the world has gone all Vogon and all us little guys are just cockroaches running from the light.

BUT my novel is coming along swimmingly and I think it is good! Time will tell though if it has legs. Man, but am I tired of being at the behest of megacorporations. What is this? Judge Dredd level society? Ugh. I don’t even know anymore. I need to go to bed. I have to get up in the morning and go to work for a corporation so that they can make money and I can feel bad that I’m not them. It’s no wonder the Wild West has thematically been a growing theme lately. Everyone wants to be themselves not slaves to masters who think they know better.

Thanks for letting me vent.

~Timothy S Purvis

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ALL YOU FANS CAN BITE ME! I’M A CHILD OF THE 80’S!!

Jesus…I am SUCH a child of the 80s. I was just watching a video on Youtube that I completely disagreed with. It was ragging on Mass Effect Andromeda for…I don’t know, reasons I guess. And it dawned on me, holy shit, we were so much better off in the 80s. We VALUED what entertainment was. We watched those cheesy monster movies. We savored the stupid and the asinine. We knew that it didn’t have to change the world to get our jollies because we knew what FUN was.

And now? Well, now everyone is up in arms that women are in movies. That black people have a presence in entertainment. That games have glitches. Glitches!? I’ve got your glitches, bitches! Bitches, let me introduce you to the NES. A system where you had to BLOW it to make it work!

Oh I ‘m sorry?? Was there a graphical glitch in your modern game that you could still play even though your character looks like they’re taking a dump everywhere they go?? Let me demonstrate our system, friends! Yes, the NES where you have to blow into its crevice and then shove it into its slot and WIGGLE it until it was willing to play the freakin’ 40 dollar game you just bought!

Oh My God! There’s a WOMAN in your soup!!? Let me introduce you to Metroid, son, where your lead character just turned out to be a woman in a suit of armor! HOLY SHIT! EPIC!

I mean seriously…The Goonies, Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street, Super Mario Bros, Metroid, Duck Hunt, HOWARD the Fucking Duck, Monster Squad, Young Frankenstein, Blazing Saddles, SPACEBALLS, Time Bandits, Bad Dudes, Double Dragon, Jaws and all its dumbass sequels, One Crazy Summer, Thundercats, Jem, My Little Pony, Q Bert, and…goddamn the list could go on!

The point is is this (and listen well my little snuggle bunnies), back in the 80s, we knew what entertainment was. We didn’t sit there and try to offend one another and deride each other because we thought Transformers was a serious form of storytelling (IT’S NOT! STOP BASHING MICHAEL BAY FOR MAKING A FUCKING SERIES OF MOVIES ABOUT OVERSIZED ROBOTS BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER! THIS IS NOT SHAKESPEARE, OR MARK TWAIN, OR ISAAC ASSIMOV! THIS IS A SERIES OF MOVIES ABOUT GIANT ROBOTS BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER! THAT’S WHAT MICHAEL BAY WAS MADE FOR! SO IF I HEAR ANOTHER PERSON SAYING HOW SHITTY A TRANSFORMERS MOVIE WAS, I’M GOING TO LOSE MY SHIT BECAUSE IT’S A BUNCH OF ROBOTS BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT THE FREAKIN’ CARTOON WAAAASSSSS!!!! 80S MOTHUFUCKA!! DEAL WITH IT!) No what we did was go ‘Holy shit! Did you see that thing and how AWESOME it was!?’ And we would reply, ‘OMG! Right!? That was totally EPIC!’ Because unlike this current generation we grew up appreciating entertainment for what it was. Entertainment. We didn’t try to attribute any sort of special meaning to it, we were just glad that it was coherent HALF of the time.

For Christ’s sake! One of our Heroes in the 80s was a man wearing nothing more than a loin clothe smacking around a cackling skeleton with vaguely homo erotic undertones with supporting characters so obtuse you’d swear you were watching a porno these days! (He Man Mother Fuckers! Deal with it!)

And yet, you take your entertainment so seriously you can no longer suspend your disbelief? Luke Skywalker wouldn’t act that way? Deadpool isn’t being serious enough? SJWs are taking over our entertainment? I mean, can we stop. Just..just stop. This is bullshit. I’m calling BULLSHIT! SHENANIGANS! IT’S ALL SHENANIGANS!!! Because this is stupid. I go to movies to be entertained. When I’m entertained, I smile. You know what I do when I am NOT entertained? Not do it again and find something else. I keep hearing this phrase over and over again: liberal snowflakes or sometimes just snowflakes. You want to know what us guys from the 80s would tell ya? It takes one to know one.

You don’t like something, that’s fine. But STOP trying to ruin it for others you, you, you SNOWFLAKES! Because you don’t really know what it means to be entertained. You’re soooooo obsessed with what is ‘TRUE’ to the original story, you’ve forgotten how to just lean back and enjoy the ride.

I mean MY generation sat back and LOVED Top Gun! Do you know what happened in it? Nothing. It was just great character development with a half assed action scene at the end. But we LOVED it. Why? Because it ENTERTAINED us!!! Why can’t you be entertained anymore?!?! What are you looking for!??

Ugh. I’m tired. You people make my face tired. Sometime in the next few days I should rent the Transformers Last Knight movie. Just so I can see massive robots kicking the shit out of each other. Because that’s entertainment you rejects!!!

Pewdiepie Is NOT Anti Semitic

Ugh. What’s happening to this world? How is everything going to shit so fast? Everybody is at each other’s throats and nobody is stopping to listen to what the other is saying. Case in point, the recent Pewdiepie allegations.

Apparently, the Wall Street Journal felt compelled to write an article and post a video speaking to the instances of one Felix Kjellerg aka Pewdiepie posting about Nazi propaganda. The only problem? These videos they referenced weren’t propaganda but rather commentary on how insane the world is becoming. Now I’m not a fan of Pewdiepie, in fact, I find him rather obnoxious and annoying. But I’ve seen many videos of his, including those referenced in WSJ’s pieces. And those pieces were so taken out of context it’s disheartening. I’m shocked. Stunned. Appalled. In a state of disbelief. Not because I think Pewds said these things maliciously, but that these so called journalistic agencies failed so miserably to commit to journalistic integrity.

No, Pewdiepie is not antisemitic and though those videos were stupid and over the top, it’s no less than what you see on South Park or Family Guy. Yet, Disney dropped him and youtube is distancing itself from Felix’s channel. And the reasons for this are due entirely to bad reporting. And what pisses me off most is that I find myself SIDING with those idiots in the White House! They keep levelling the charge of a dishonest media with a penchant for delivering faux news and then THIS happens! Legitimizing too many thoughts coming from Agent Orange’s head.

This is unreal. It can’t be true. The entities that are supposed to adhere to truth are NOT into making false statements and misleading the public. YET here we are. And I wouldn’t have believed it if I weren’t so in the know with the source material. It is quite literally a hit job and every site I’ve seen is running with the WSJ’s assessment. How can this be reality? How can people be fine with ruining a man’s reputation? I mean, he’s an idiot, but he doesn’t deserve to be railroaded over something that isn’t true! And yes it’s true the content you’ll see in those posts by WSJ are from Felix’s videos but sans context, how will you know what it actually meant? The conclusion will be drawn by the average reader and viewer that Pewdiepie is this Nazi White Nationalist they’re painting him as when in fact he’s not. No where near it.

It’s getting out of hand! I fully believe in equal rights for all people: men, women, immigrants, races, etc. But I don’t believe in false narratives like you see with so many SJW posts around the web. I fully support freedom of speech and think it should be held in highest esteem regardless of what trite nonsense is falling forth from mouths the nation over. BUT I despise the art of putting words in people’s mouths that were never said! Or twisting the words that were! I might not like Pewdiepie, but I support his right to be considered innocent until proven guilty. And shamefully enough, we have a growing culture that likes to get its news through opinions rather than facts. Which is what we got from the WSJ. Shame on you, Wall Street Journal. You’re better than this.

Open Enrollment Needs To End

So I’ve been trying for the last two and a half months to get ahold of somebody through my company’s insurance provider. Nobody would answer the phone (their directory menu was utter crap allowing no way to talk to an actual person), I couldn’t enroll online through the system because it didn’t “recognize my information”, and when I finally did get ahold of an operator they treated me like some slithering beast because I’d missed the deadline. “Well you should have enrolled, sir. The deadline has already expired.”

Then I decide, fuck it, I’ll sign up for health insurance through the Affordable Health Care programs. Ha Ha. Nope. Nothing affordable about that. The cheapest I could get per month  was 138 bucks and let me tell you I can’t afford that. I don’t make the most money out there. I work for retail. And the whole process of trying to find insurance has left me sour and cynical. I remember years ago just calling a provider and getting hooked up. Now you have to jump through so many hoops it just leaves you feeling like a circus chimp ready to rip off someone’s face.

What really pisses me off, though, is the fact you have to wait an ENTIRE year just to enroll for health insurance. Why? You don’t have to wait a year for car insurance. You don’t have to wait a year for home insurance. Why do you have to wait a year for health insurance? Shouldn’t you be able to purchase it at any point when you’re ready?  It’s fucking ridiculous.

We should all demand of our representatives that they put in measures into the system, or something, that opens up the availability of insurance all throughout the year and not just at some designated point at the end of the year where maybe not everybody is in a position to sign up. It would certainly make life easier. Also, if I can’t afford health insurance, what on God’s green Earth makes these idiots think I can afford the penalty for not having it?

Open Enrollment and this overpriced system needs to end. Those of us on the bottom, us sorry little dregs of society, can’t take the crap anymore.

Why Are Women In Games Still Marginalized?

So I was watching the AngryJoeShow on Twitch.TV and seeing what the new Dead Rising 3 game was like. As always, it seems like just another slasher game with generic interactions and a somewhat clever interface with the creation of new weaponry able to slaughter hordes of zombies with little to no effort. Your typical action hack n slash game. If you’re into that, no big deal. Hey, someone has to play them. I myself am into heavy story oriented games, which seem to be on the decline in recent years. What with so many people looking only for the gratuitous fix in beating something up. The American way nowadays it would seem. Well, the game Dead Rising 3 serves up plenty of onslaught and destruction to give a perfect fix to those who don’t like to do a whole lot of thinking in their gaming. And then DR3 gets to the sequence where the woman, Rhonda, is abruptly abducted by a motorcycle gangand taken inside a small room where, presumably, she will be raped to the pleasure of the macho mad thugs riding in to destroy the day. Meanwhile, our hetero male hero must fight off the horde of motorcycling devils to swoop in and save our damsel in distress.

And that got me to thinking about all the recent garbage I’ve been reading on comment boards over the last few months. About how there are not any good games with female leads. Mostly they’re not good, according to the male populace playing them, because they have females in the lead. Because, obviously, a woman can’t carry a game. She’s automatically considered weaker and must by nature take on the role of the damsel in distress or cower down to the ‘might’ of the grunting male who is quite possibly more able to carry the title than she. And I began to wonder, why? Why is this mentality so prevalent in gaming? Why do so many men believe that women are automatically weaker? Is it a symptom of the western world? Have we been brought up to ‘keep women in their place’? Why are women portrayed in this fashion?

Particularly since we have such great games as the new Tomb Raider reboot and the cult classic Mirror’s Edge. Hell, Jade in Beyond Good and Evil carried herself with a bravado that male protagonists would be the envy of. Yet still women are looked down upon. Has history not taught us ANYTHING about the strength of women? What is a woman exactly? What is the difference between a man and a woman? Why, I do believe, it is one lowly chromosome. The Y chromosome. And it makes me ask WHY all the time.

As a culture, America seems to ignore all the historical figures that have demonstrated quite convincingly that women are not at all weaker than men and, in fact, are often stronger. Joan of Arc, Boudica, Cleopatra, Tawakul Karman, Hatshepsut, Mulan, Elizabeth the I, Tomoe Gozen, and even Gladiatrixes in ancient Rome. And the list goes on. As many men are reknowned through history there are the same in the woman variety and yet women are looked down upon still. I had a debate on youtube with a guy who believed that women shouldn’t be in games because men represented what players most wanted to be: badasses. Yet when I posted my retort with a list of badass women, he was unimpressed. Likely because he was a troll. But also likely because the mentality in this country still exists that women need to be protected. Which is nonsense. Sure there are women who are abused and taken advantaged of. The same is true of an equal number of men. But men, out of some distorted sense of honor and wounded pride, are far less likely to report these abuses. But in gaming, companies are more than happy to keep the stereotype going.

While on the ubisoft forums, I stated I wanted to see more female assassins represented in the lore. And I got flack for that! Guys saying that that ‘isn’t realistic’ and that ‘women weren’t active in those conflicts in those time periods’, which completely ignores the fact that women have fought in every major combat throughout history. Women disguised themselves as men during the civil war and no one was the wiser until long after the war! Women fought in all the major World Wars, built advanced weaponry in World War II, and still today serve in active duty rosters throughout the world! Yet somehow they are still considered ‘weaker’! How is it that history can show us so much about the strength of individuals in humanity, yet we’re so shallow as a people that sex is the only defining factor!?

It annoys the piss out of me and I’m tired of it! I want my games to reflect the truth. That women share in the burden all people carry throughout the world and throughout history. We all struggle to survive and take care of our families. Whether or not you have a certain body part does not change the desire of the individual to make a difference! Games may be an escape from reality, but every game trying to capitulate to the desire of ubermales is a great disservice to gamers everywhere and a disgrace! If women were so much weaker than men, a goddess wouldn’t be the major threat in Assassin’s Creed, the term ‘Amazonian’ wouldn’t exist, Jade and Faith wouldn’t be able to change the dynamics of the worlds they inhabit, and Queens wouldn’t be knealt before in high fantasies!

It’s far past time that this debate was changed and such insolence to diversity and understanding nipped in the bud! I want my badass woman protagonist already, and I want her to be taken seriously!

Star Cloud Episode II Driving Mr Queasy

The second HD episode of Star Cloud!

I’ve been remaking all the original episodes, which are still up at vimeo.com, so that it can be viewed in HD and be less shaky and easier to view. Enjoy the episode and thanks for watching!

 

Copyright 2007-2013 CE Cosmic Fantasies and Screaming Cloud Studios

Star Cloud: Season I: Episode I When Muppets Attack

The first full episode of my Star Cloud series!

Star Cloud Season I Episode I
When Muppets Attack

Cloud Strife finds himself abducted by space turtles and forced to become the new captain of the Muppet Ship (MS) Dorothy after an unfortunate incident involving the former captain, his ex-lover, and an electric dildo.

Thank you for watching and stay tuned for more STAR CLOUD! in HD.

Copyright 2007-2013 Cosmic Fantasies and Screaming Cloud Studios

All characters and situations depicted are parody and meant for entertainment purposes only. Any situations or peoples similar to those living, dead, or serious exist purely for satire and/or unintentionally.