Star Cloud Episode VI Alt Script “Murder Me Elmo”: Scripted Saturdays

Welcome back to another week of Scripted Saturdays! I’m Timothy Scott Purvis and what I have for you today is an unfinished draft of the original version of episode six. I stopped short because it just wasn’t going where I wanted it to despite it having humorous moments. I don’t think it’s bad, it just didn’t give that umph I wanted for an opening episode to season two.

Regardless, I may use some of the ideas it posited at a later date. Maybe. Anyhow, for now, thanks for stopping by and read to you all again next week!

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STAR CLOUD

EPISODE VI

“MURDER ME ELMO”

ALTERNATE SCRIPT

*INCOMPLETE*

#

SCENE I

INT DARK PLACE

[A being in a cloak walks through a set of doors and then towards the center of a dark room where a lone figure sits in a chair with a beam of light on him. The figure is an orange robot but the being does not hesitate. He goes before the robot and stands quietly.]

ER2NI2: Ah, excellent! You have come. You are the most feared assassin in the galaxy and I have need of your services.

[The figure continues to stand quietly.]

ER2NI2: There is a certain man who has caused me a certain distress. Find him. Destroy him. And do as you will with his crew. His name… is Cloud Strife.

CUT TO

#

SCENE II

INT STARSHIP MS DOROTHY–MEETING ROOM

[We see Cloud’s smiling face as he stares at something across from him.]

CLOUD: So, uh, Yuffie, where’d ya get the duds?

[The view shifts to a yellow suited Yuffie in Spartan regalia from Halo.]

YUFFIE: It was on my bed. I don’t know where it came from.

[Raises glass to helmet and starts slurping liquid.

Leo, Raph, Tifa, and Rinoa stare at Yuffie as she sits across from them in the meeting room.]

LEO: And you don’t find this… oh I don’t know, odd?

YUFFIE: Nope. Fits like a glove.

CLOUD: Or a Power Ranger. [Smiles.]

LEO: It’s Spartan gear, Cloud.

CLOUD: Eh, Spartan, power ranger. Same difference. Both are super human representations of what we believe to be the finest of humanity.

LEO: …No, Spartans kick ass. Power rangers are just a gay Voltron wannabe.

CLOUD: …Hmm. Point to you.

LEO: Hey, if she wants to be one of the last of humanity’s saviors, more power to her.

[Yuffie stands up.]

YUFFIE: I’m not humanity’s savior or a gay Power Ranger. I’m just me.

TIFA: What’s that? A second-rate auxiliary party member who never sees any action save for licking Cloud’s materia?

[Yuffie glares at Tifa through her visor.]

YUFFIE: That’s funny coming from you. Aren’t you the one who keeps getting bad dialogue and lunatics blowing your head off?

TIFA: Hey! I’m first class, baby!

CLOUD: [Stands up.] Bitch fight!

RAPH: [To Leo] Quick, get some mud!

[Tifa and Yuffie glare at them.]

YUFFIE: That’s it! I’m outta here! [Leaves]

CLOUD: Man, she looked pissed!

LEO: How can you tell for the helmet?

RAPH: Probably right around the moment she pointed her gun at him.

CLOUD: Yep, that was it.

[The intercom buzzes.]

APRIL: Captain, you should come to the bridge.

CLOUD: Why should I want to do that?

RAPH: We’d better not have another infestation!

CUT TO

#

SCENE III

INT BRIDGE

ROGUE: Damnit Gambit! You said ya’ll wouldn’t say notin’!

CUT TO

#

SCENE IV

INT MEETING ROOM

[Cloud and Raph look at one another and blink.]

APRIL: Yeah, ok… Look just come out here.

CLOUD: Fine!

CUT TO

#

SCENE V

INT BRIDGE MS DOROTHY

[The group stands near a young smiling girl.]

RAPH: We have a new member of the crew!

CLOUD: Who are you?

GIRL: I’m the new intern! Kairi!

CLOUD: [To Tifa] This ship has interns?

TIFA: Don’t look at me. I’m the ship’s councilor. My job is to determine whether you all are nuts or not and, well, yep you’re all nuts.

RAPH: Hmm. Interns. That might explain why engineering is all messed up.

LEO: No that would’ve been because of master Splinter.

RAPH: You all still haven’t cleaned that up!?

LEO: Hey, there’s gnome guts caked all over the place because someonewas trigger happy!

CLOUD: Hey, I blew what I could out the airlock!

LEO: And everyone else!

RAPH: Speaking of blowing things, I need to find out where my nurse went.

[Leo and Cloud glance at him.]

CLOUD: So how is the rat anyhow?

LEO AND RAPH: Eh.

CLOUD: Well, at least you care. [Looks at Kairi.]

KAIRI: [Smiles broadly.] You make me feel simple and clean.

CLOUD: [Hands and eyes shocked] What the hell!?

CUT TO

#

SCENE VI

INT CORRIDOR

[Yuffie walks in an agitated manner.]

YUFFIE: Brain-dead self-righteous harlot thinks she knows me!? I’ll show her. I still have some gnome embryos! I’m gonna put them in her underwear drawer. See how she likes the… zzzisht…!

[She stops suddenly and spasms uncontrollably.]

Have… sudden… uncontrollable urge to… go to… transporter room. What? Why? …Yes. I will obey. Ha Ha Ha! They will rue the day they messed with… Cid Trueheart! …Woooa… That was weird.

CUT TO

#

SCENE VII

INT TRANSPORTER ROOM

[Yuffie controls the transporter console.]

YUFFIE: [VO] Why am I doing this? What could possibly…!? Quit fighting it, fool!

[Something beams in and looks at her. She stares back.]

YUFFIE: Uh-oh.

CREATURE: I’m Elmo!  Who wants to die!?

YUFFIE: This can’t be good.

#

A SUDDEN END!

Thanks again for taking a moment to read my work! This one was definitely shorter than most! Next week probably won’t be much different. But, it should still be amusing. Until then!

~Timothy S Purvis

PS: Since this episode was never produced, there is no video footage available of it. Though, bits and pieces of story elements wound up in episode V and the sixth episode itself.

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SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION STARTS!

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