Star Cloud Episode VI Alt Script “Murder Me Elmo”: Scripted Saturdays

Welcome back to another week of Scripted Saturdays! I’m Timothy Scott Purvis and what I have for you today is an unfinished draft of the original version of episode six. I stopped short because it just wasn’t going where I wanted it to despite it having humorous moments. I don’t think it’s bad, it just didn’t give that umph I wanted for an opening episode to season two.

Regardless, I may use some of the ideas it posited at a later date. Maybe. Anyhow, for now, thanks for stopping by and read to you all again next week!










[A being in a cloak walks through a set of doors and then towards the center of a dark room where a lone figure sits in a chair with a beam of light on him. The figure is an orange robot but the being does not hesitate. He goes before the robot and stands quietly.]

ER2NI2: Ah, excellent! You have come. You are the most feared assassin in the galaxy and I have need of your services.

[The figure continues to stand quietly.]

ER2NI2: There is a certain man who has caused me a certain distress. Find him. Destroy him. And do as you will with his crew. His name… is Cloud Strife.





[We see Cloud’s smiling face as he stares at something across from him.]

CLOUD: So, uh, Yuffie, where’d ya get the duds?

[The view shifts to a yellow suited Yuffie in Spartan regalia from Halo.]

YUFFIE: It was on my bed. I don’t know where it came from.

[Raises glass to helmet and starts slurping liquid.

Leo, Raph, Tifa, and Rinoa stare at Yuffie as she sits across from them in the meeting room.]

LEO: And you don’t find this… oh I don’t know, odd?

YUFFIE: Nope. Fits like a glove.

CLOUD: Or a Power Ranger. [Smiles.]

LEO: It’s Spartan gear, Cloud.

CLOUD: Eh, Spartan, power ranger. Same difference. Both are super human representations of what we believe to be the finest of humanity.

LEO: …No, Spartans kick ass. Power rangers are just a gay Voltron wannabe.

CLOUD: …Hmm. Point to you.

LEO: Hey, if she wants to be one of the last of humanity’s saviors, more power to her.

[Yuffie stands up.]

YUFFIE: I’m not humanity’s savior or a gay Power Ranger. I’m just me.

TIFA: What’s that? A second-rate auxiliary party member who never sees any action save for licking Cloud’s materia?

[Yuffie glares at Tifa through her visor.]

YUFFIE: That’s funny coming from you. Aren’t you the one who keeps getting bad dialogue and lunatics blowing your head off?

TIFA: Hey! I’m first class, baby!

CLOUD: [Stands up.] Bitch fight!

RAPH: [To Leo] Quick, get some mud!

[Tifa and Yuffie glare at them.]

YUFFIE: That’s it! I’m outta here! [Leaves]

CLOUD: Man, she looked pissed!

LEO: How can you tell for the helmet?

RAPH: Probably right around the moment she pointed her gun at him.

CLOUD: Yep, that was it.

[The intercom buzzes.]

APRIL: Captain, you should come to the bridge.

CLOUD: Why should I want to do that?

RAPH: We’d better not have another infestation!





ROGUE: Damnit Gambit! You said ya’ll wouldn’t say notin’!





[Cloud and Raph look at one another and blink.]

APRIL: Yeah, ok… Look just come out here.

CLOUD: Fine!





[The group stands near a young smiling girl.]

RAPH: We have a new member of the crew!

CLOUD: Who are you?

GIRL: I’m the new intern! Kairi!

CLOUD: [To Tifa] This ship has interns?

TIFA: Don’t look at me. I’m the ship’s councilor. My job is to determine whether you all are nuts or not and, well, yep you’re all nuts.

RAPH: Hmm. Interns. That might explain why engineering is all messed up.

LEO: No that would’ve been because of master Splinter.

RAPH: You all still haven’t cleaned that up!?

LEO: Hey, there’s gnome guts caked all over the place because someonewas trigger happy!

CLOUD: Hey, I blew what I could out the airlock!

LEO: And everyone else!

RAPH: Speaking of blowing things, I need to find out where my nurse went.

[Leo and Cloud glance at him.]

CLOUD: So how is the rat anyhow?


CLOUD: Well, at least you care. [Looks at Kairi.]

KAIRI: [Smiles broadly.] You make me feel simple and clean.

CLOUD: [Hands and eyes shocked] What the hell!?





[Yuffie walks in an agitated manner.]

YUFFIE: Brain-dead self-righteous harlot thinks she knows me!? I’ll show her. I still have some gnome embryos! I’m gonna put them in her underwear drawer. See how she likes the… zzzisht…!

[She stops suddenly and spasms uncontrollably.]

Have… sudden… uncontrollable urge to… go to… transporter room. What? Why? …Yes. I will obey. Ha Ha Ha! They will rue the day they messed with… Cid Trueheart! …Woooa… That was weird.





[Yuffie controls the transporter console.]

YUFFIE: [VO] Why am I doing this? What could possibly…!? Quit fighting it, fool!

[Something beams in and looks at her. She stares back.]

YUFFIE: Uh-oh.

CREATURE: I’m Elmo!  Who wants to die!?

YUFFIE: This can’t be good.



Thanks again for taking a moment to read my work! This one was definitely shorter than most! Next week probably won’t be much different. But, it should still be amusing. Until then!

~Timothy S Purvis

PS: Since this episode was never produced, there is no video footage available of it. Though, bits and pieces of story elements wound up in episode V and the sixth episode itself.



I would appreciate if you have Kindle or even if you want some paperback goodies if you’d head on over to my page and maybe show me some love there. I mean, if you’ve been reading a while and see something you like, wouldn’t you like to have it in your personal library? I have some cool short stories available for cheap. Also Tales From A Strange Mind that collects my short stories (there’s also a Kindle edition but, for some reason, Amazon wouldn’t let me link them together) , Tales From A Strange Mind II which collects my old novellas, Red Star Sheriff (Which also has a Kindle edition but Amazon, am I right?) my first novel ever released, though, yes, it does have some grammatical errors and drags on for way too long, sigh. But I still love it and I will be writing a follow up sometime within the next few years. I have a collection of my poems called MisAligned: The Heart Waxes Poetic which collects my old poems but not some of my newer ones included those flash fictions! I’ll probably do that in the future as well. And if you love the perfectly inane, why not check out my Star Cloud scripts presented in book form? Star Cloud The Original Scripts. Another one where Amazon was being difficult with me in connecting the Kindle and PB versions. Still, the paperback they let me sale for cheap and it’s well worth a look if I say so myself. Or, if you don’t want to click on individual links (all of which will take you to my author’s page anyway), just click on my author’s page directly by tapping my name: Timothy S Purvis See for yourself what all I’ve published since I began this venture in 2016.

I mean, if you like my work, of course. No pressure. Just trying to find my way in this world without working menial tasks and suffering physical and mental issues as a result. If only I could merely stay home and write. That would be my most epic fantasy brought to life. Well, if you don’t want to do that, you could also donate to my cause down below after all is said and done. It would help. You know, if you liked what you saw and all. Up to you. I don’t have a lot of reviews on my materials because of low sales. I mean, very, very low sales. In the single digits. Right now, I have to rely on Pubby for reviews and those people only read your synopsis and recap it for a five star review. I want honest opinions. Not mean ones, but honest. So, if you ever find yourself buying some of my work, I’d certainly appreciate some feedback. Again, up to you.

Also, I’m selling my work for cheap over at! Check out that page here:

End Shameless Self Promotion!



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