Greetings and salutations, faithful followers of this blog! I’m Timothy Scott Purvis and this is part one of the final episode of the first iteration of Star Cloud! My stop motion animated series on YouTube! Once both parts are up, I’ll start posting other scripts I’ve written in the past so stay tuned for that.
Though this isn’t my favorite episode of Star Cloud, it was my favorite to put together. I had a lot of fun with the set builds and customizing figures. Also, I do believe it contained my best voice work done up to that point. I hope you enjoy it as much.
Read to you all again soon!
“THE WRATH OF ROTH”
INT HMS SPARTACUS-BRIDGE
[Aboard the HMS (Hostile Muppet Ship) Spartacus, Er2Ni2 sits and looks at the wormhole slowly closing over the world of P7 (Planet 7)]
Er2Ni2: Stardate 042891. We are in orbit around the world P7, A world from which that fool Cloud hails. Yet he is the least of my concerns. My master, the feared Sephiroth, summoned me back to P7 to assist him in Extinguishing Cloud and his crew once and for all.
However, after Matt the Mat rescued us, we were captured by the Grrrrumpets, my former crew and they pled with me to return. I had trouble accepting their offer and as consequence They forced me into a device completely alien to me.
Even So, its energy freed my mind from the control asserted By Sephiroth. A control I was unaware of having submitted to. How that came to be is a story best left for another day. Right now, my focus is on the wormhole just above the atmosphere of P7 from within which we are receiving life signs indicative of those from the MS Dorothy.
Most notably one in particular, that of my estranged lover, the Dorothy’s former captain… Bert <end log>
What is the stability of the wormhole?
GRIMYS: [Growls like wookie with text subbed] Captain, the stability of the wormhole is fragile. I’ll wager it won’t last past five minutes. It’s shrinking steadily.
ER2NI2: We need to get them back before the wormhole completely collapses. Grovr, Groscir, you are with me. We’re beaming down there. Bring us back before that hole closes but let us hope we’ll have Bert and his crew before then.
GRIMYS: As you command!
EXT ALTERNATE P7 SURFACE-CITYSCAPE
[A figure drops onto the ground from the skies above. It is Barret who seems a little perplexed. Nearby shadows on the wall speak in surprise.]
SHADOWS: D… dammmmmnnn!! Dammmnnn!
[Barret looks at the figures and then walks offscreen. He comes back with a giant digitized hamburger and throws it at them. They scream as a shadowed burger smashes them.]
BARRET: Nobody goddamn better shadow me! Hmmm where the hell am I? Looks like Midgar but somethin’ ain’t right. What could it be?
[Just then a horde of zombies bum rushes him.]
BARRET: #@#&^^! No way no how you ain’t makin me no zombie chow!
[He fires away and starts destroying zombies left and right.
He finishes killing all the zombies.]
BARRET: This time, stay dead!
[Suddenly movement catches his eyes. Shadows rise slowly from the corners of debris and fallen corpses.]
BARRET: Shadow zombies. Those are the worst.
[Starts slowly backing away.]
EXT ALTERNATE P7 SURFACE-SLIDING PATH OF STICK FIGURES
[Just then the path his feet are on gives way and he slides down a bunch of declines and heads towards spikes. A trap door at the end causes him to fall before hitting the spikes and ends up in another part of town.
Nearby a stick figure smiles while his hands are still on a handle. Barret sits up. Shadows on a nearby wall shout out.]
EXT ALTERNATE P7 SURFACE-WASTELAND
BARRET: I hate stick figures! Thinkin they all that! You ain’t nothin’ but a couple o’strokes and a dot!
[Barret stands up and grumbles as he walks away. As he does so he runs into a rat swaying by the path.]
BARRET: What in the world?
BARRET: What in the hell are you supposed to be?!
SPLINTER: What? Are you blind? [Hiccups.] I’m a fuckin rat.
BARRET: I didn’t know rats got drunk.
SPLINTER: No, no, no. I’m not drunk. [Hiccups.] I’m perfittitly sober. I found some delicious snack just over there. You want some my large, angry friend?
BARRET: Hmmm. I like snacks.
SPLINTER: Good, good. You come. This way.
[They enter an abandoned facility nearby.]
INT SCIENCE FACILITIES
[Barret stares in disbelief as Splinter approaches what appears to be a giant sphincter in the middle of a rusty room. Little articles of something are growing on a giant orchid in the middle of the sphincter. Splinter picks one and eats it and brings one to Barret who doesn’t reach for it.]
SPLINTER: It’s good. Trust me.
BARRET: Is that a giant orchid in an asshole?
SPLINTER: What do you mean? It’s wild fruit.
BARRET: Growing in an asshole.
[The sphincter retracts slightly and then puffs out. “Fruit” flies everywhere. Splinter picks one up.]
SPLINTER: Mmm, tossed salad.
[He bites into it and then hiccups. The seeds of the fruit that he spits on the floor turn into zombies mogwai style and run away. Barret turns slowly to the orchid.]
BARRET: At last. The orchid of power I’ve been searching for. The Holy Orchid!
EXT ALTERNATE P7 SURFACE-MIDGAR
[Black Axl, Leo, Bert, and Irma are approaching the science labs and are exhausted from the continuous fighting of zombies.]
BLACK AXL: Are we there yet?
LEO: It looks like it’s just a little further. It shouldn’t be long now.
BERT: Providing we don’t get waylaid by another throng of zombies.
IRMA: Ugh. I just want to rest a little before fighting more dead people. I’m exhaust-
[Sitting down she is hit from behind causing her to fall to the ground.]
ASHE: This is MY house! Get outta here!! [Hisses.]
BLACK AXL: Jesus Christ! I think she just hissed at us!
LEO: Thank you captain obvious.
IRMA: [Sitting up.] Hey isn’t she the chick that choked on that zombie’s dick?
ASHE: Yeah and thanks for the help by the way!
BLACK AXL: Well we weren’t going to give you mouth to mouth after that!
LEO: Look I’m sorry. But we thought you were dead! We’re looking for a rat-
ASHE: A rat!? A rat!? How dare you call me a rat! Just because I haven’t cleaned up my room!
LEO: No wai-
ASHE: You’ll wish I WAS dead, you bastard cock fuckers!
[They all scream as Ashe beats the hell outta them. She slams Leo across the face.]
BLACK AXL: Ahhh! She’s kicking our asses! All is lost! All is los-
[Ashe slams Black Axl on the ground repeatedly and tosses him at Leo and Irma and starts charging. Just then Bert intervenes. They scream as she charges.]
BERT: Young lady! Stop this! We’re not your enemies!
ASHE: I am not a lady!
BLACK AXL: You can say that again!
ASHE: I’ll show… are you a muppet?
[She rushes up to him and places her hands up and down his body.]
ASHE: Oh god I looooovvve muppets. You’re so soft… oh let me put my hands on you and stroke your head. Oh oh yes. I want to run my hands all over you. Ooooo… yes!
BERT: Ehrr aaa…
ASHE: Oh yes yes like that!
[Everyone stares in horror.]
LEO: Uhm… yeah, he’s our muppet commander.
ASHE: Oh God! Muppet commanders are so hot!
LEO: Yes, that’s right. Oh, hot muppet commander! Tell us what were we looking for?
IRMA: Yes, tell us! Tell us!
BLACK AXL: Yeah you sexy muppet you! You-stud muppet!
BERT: Er… uh… yeah… we were aaahhh looking for a drunken… rat.
[Ashe is stroking his head when suddenly she points towards a nearby building.]
ASHE: I’ve seen it muppet commander! In there, next to the flaming asshole!
ASHE: Asshole. Normally it has an orchid growing out of it but every so often, the asshole ignites and explodes into a swirling vortex of death.
IRMA: Reminds me of an ex-boyfriend.
LEO: …Well that sounds like the first solid lead we’ve had all day. Let’s go check this asshole out.
BLACK AXL: Great! Great! First zombies, then psychopathic bitches, now flaming assholes!
EXT ALTERNATE P7 SURFACE-WASTELAND
[Er2Ni2, Grovr and Groscir beam down into an empty area. Grovr starts taking readings.]
GROVR: [Growls.] There seems to be a massive energy reading several hundred meters to the west.
[His grrrrumpet growl reverberates in the area. Er2Ni2 places his hands on his hips.]
ER2NI2: What about lifeform readings?
GROVR: I read two up in the compound over there and five rapidly approaching from the opposite side of the facility. It would seem one of those lifeforms is your former lover.
ER2NI2: Bert. Let us hurry on then. There must be something important in that facility.
[Groscir growls in irritation.]
ER2NI2: What do you mean something smells funny? You always smell something funny wherever we go!
[They hurry on.]
INT SCIENCE FACILITY
[Barret cautiously approaches the orchid in the middle of the sphincter. He touches it and the orchid pops open. He seems something within the plant.]
BARRET: At long last! It’s mine!
SPLINTER: Is that a nut? I didn’t know orchids had nuts.
BARRET: Shit. The fuck you know goddamn big ass mother fuckin rat!
[Plucks the nut and holds it high.]
LEO: Master Splinter!
[Splinter and Barret look at five individuals within the entry way to the science labs.]
ASHE: That’s him! There’s your rat! [Strokes Bert.]
BARRET: Mmmm! You can keep your hands off my nut! [He cradles the nut close to him.]
LEO: Uh… Ooookay.
BERT: Relax my large friend. We did not come here for your nut. We came for that one.
[He points at Splinter who hiccups and spits out a seed which becomes a zombie and screams at them as it flees out a doorway.]
BLACK AXL: What the fuck!? He spits zombies!?
LEO: I don’t think it’s his spit. It must be this fruit he’s eating! [Inspects fruit. Looks at Splinter.] The fruit also seems to react like teriyaki in Master Splinter.
BERT: Strange indeed.
IRMA: Is that a giant sphincter in the ground?
ASHE: Flaming asshole…
BERT: Figures there’d be a giant sphincter in the science lab.
LEO: Wait something’s happening to it… is that an orchid in the middle of that asshole?
BARRET: Yes! And it is my orchid! It has given me Holy!
BLACK AXL: I’ll tell you what, there’s nothing Holy about THAT asshole!
IRMA: Well it IS glowing.
BARRET: …That’s new.
SPLINTER: [Hiccups] Maybe it’s making more fruit salad to toss at us.
LEO: You’ve been eating fruit out of the asshole!? I thought it was from somewhere else!
ASHE: We must flee! That asshole’s about to explode!
SPLINTER: No, no. It’s going to give us a pleasant surprise!
LEO: Master Splinter!
[Leo rushes for Splinter just as the orchid blows up sending everyone flying backwards. They stand up and approach the swirling blue vortex in the floor.]
LEO: I don’t believe it.
BERT: What is it, Leo?
LEO: A dimensional portal.
BERT: Can we use it to escape to our own dimension?
ASHE: There is no escape from the flaming asshole!
IRMA: Will you get a grip!
LEO: Ugh… I… I’m being sucked into it!
SPLINTER: Oh, my fruit!
BARRET: Fuck yo fruit! Wha’ bout my orchid!?
LEO: I can’t step back!
[Bert pushes Leo over the hole as it starts sucking him in. Bert gets stuck horizontally over the vortex.]
BERT: Leo! Get everyone out of here! This vortex has a bitter smell!
BLACK AXL: Well no duh! It’s a flaming asshole!
[Just then Er2Ni2 and his associates walk in from the other side of the room and they all stare in horror as they see Bert struggling on top of a giant vortex in the floor.]
ER2NI2: Oh, I see how it is! You tell me you love me but then I catch you on top of some random asshole!
BERT: It’s not what it seems, Ernie!
ER2NI2: Tell me another one you cheating bastard!
[The vortex explodes causing Bert to fly up into the air. A crazed robotic chicken flies up and grabs Bert. He clucks something hastily.]
BERT: Ernie! Leo! Save yourselves!
[The chicken dissipates with Bert.]
ER2NI2 / LEO: Bert!
ER2NI2: This is horrible! I’ve finally come to my senses and now he is gone!
LEO: Don’t worry! We’ll find him!
IRMA: Uh commander? I think that’ll have to wait! Remember that zombie master Splinter spit out? Well, he brought friends.
[They all see the zombie hordes approaching.]
LEO: This isn’t good.
BLACK AXL: Ah sweet titties in a hand basket!
BARRET: Shi’! Fuck’s that s’posed ta mean?!
ASHE: Oh, lo and behold see before us now the spawn of the flaming asshole! Bow down and praise the asshole that we may be spared!
[Begins worshipping glowing vortex.]
GROSCIR: Anyone mind if I feed her to the asshole?
ER2NI2: No, we’ll bring her with us. Grmys, get us outta here!
[Energy waves surround them all and they bean out of the science lab just as a horde of zombies arrive.]
ZOMBIE 1: Brains!?
ZOMBIE 2: No! Fruit!
[The zombies drop to the floor and start munching on scattered fruit.]
FADE TO BLACK
Stay tuned for part two! Thanks for reading!
~Timothy S Purvis
vvvvvvvvv The original version of Episode IX. Or wait til next week and watch the episode then! vvvvvvvvvvv
SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION STARTS!
I would appreciate if you have Kindle or even if you want some paperback goodies if you’d head on over to my page and maybe show me some love there. I mean, if you’ve been reading a while and see something you like, wouldn’t you like to have it in your personal library? I have some cool short stories available for cheap. Also Tales From A Strange Mind that collects my short stories (there’s also a Kindle edition but, for some reason, Amazon wouldn’t let me link them together) , Tales From A Strange Mind II which collects my old novellas, Red Star Sheriff (Which also has a Kindle edition but Amazon, am I right?) my first novel ever released, though, yes, it does have some grammatical errors and drags on for way too long, sigh. But I still love it and I will be writing a follow up sometime within the next few years. I have a collection of my poems called MisAligned: The Heart Waxes Poetic which collects my old poems but not some of my newer ones included those flash fictions! I’ll probably do that in the future as well. And if you love the perfectly inane, why not check out my Star Cloud scripts presented in book form? Star Cloud The Original Scripts. Another one where Amazon was being difficult with me in connecting the Kindle and PB versions. Still, the paperback they let me sale for cheap and it’s well worth a look if I say so myself. Or, if you don’t want to click on individual links (all of which will take you to my author’s page anyway), just click on my author’s page directly by tapping my name: Timothy S Purvis See for yourself what all I’ve published since I began this venture in 2016.
I mean, if you like my work, of course. No pressure. Just trying to find my way in this world without working menial tasks and suffering physical and mental issues as a result. If only I could merely stay home and write. That would be my most epic fantasy brought to life. Well, if you don’t want to do that, you could also donate to my cause down below after all is said and done. It would help. You know, if you liked what you saw and all. Up to you. I don’t have a lot of reviews on my materials because of low sales. I mean, very, very low sales. In the single digits. Right now, I have to rely on Pubby for reviews and those people only read your synopsis and recap it for a five star review. I want honest opinions. Not mean ones, but honest. So, if you ever find yourself buying some of my work, I’d certainly appreciate some feedback. Again, up to you.
Also, I’m selling my work for cheap over at Smashwords.com! Check out that page here: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/TSPurvis
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