Greetings and salutations, faithful reader! As you well know, I’m Timothy Scott Purvis and this is another round of Story Time With Time! This week’s offering is a short tale just like last week’s, only more original. This was an experiment in accent writing as well as a strange urge to speak in ye ole British. It’s not great, but it’s not bad either. It still amuses me, even to this day. I believe I wrote this around the same time as The Lion. It had initially been up on a site know as Fanstory.com. Yet, in the years since, has become part of my various collections here and there. The links of which I’ll share below.
Anyway, no time like now to get started, yeah? So, let’s get to it!
How much longer must I endure these insufferable mumblings of wretched peasants? The King asked o’ ‘imself whilst perched upon ‘is throne. ‘E looked down upon the miserable wretch beggin’ fer ‘is mercy. The poor soul ‘ad been up tae no good an’ now was brought afore the King tae be tried an’ judged fer ‘is meanderin’s untold.
“Adulterous swine! Thou art accused o’ betrayal tae the sacred precinct o’ marriage! And now ye grovel fer mercy at mine feet!? Away with this cur!”
An at that, the poor bastard was taken tae the pits tae be thrown tae the lions ‘e was. An, whilst I am thinking o’ it, I must confess that I won’ be relation’ this li’l recall in ol’ Brit I won’. I’s be recallin’ it in proper English-American, I will.
Now, where was I? Oh yeah! The silly sod ‘ad been tossed tae the lions an’ it was time fer the next judgin’. Now, the King ‘ad ‘ad a long day o’ judgin’ an’ tossin’ folks intae the lions’ den, an’ was downright groggy after such kingly tasks. An’ now, ‘ere was some lass accused o’ the same thing as the last soul. Only this one were proud o’ ‘er l’il philanderin’s wit’ some local yolk an ‘er ‘usband weren’t tae pleased wit’ ‘er. An’ I am ‘opin’ I used that big word correctly! Anyways, she was brought afore the King fer ‘er, heh, trial.
“Miserable wretch! Thou art accused o’ adultery! In this kingdom, none are wont outside their proper spouses! What right ‘ave ye tae cause such strife!?”
“What right ‘ave I!? What right ‘ave ye!?”
Now, the King were taken aback by the lass’ bold words an’ was might curious ‘e was. Yet, she just continued tae stare at ‘im defiantly, darin’ ‘im tae say somethin’ an’ anything at all. ‘E took a quick glance at ‘is viceroy ‘om only shrugged.
“What right ‘ave I? I ‘ave committed no adultery!”
“Nae, ye bloody sod!! Tae be judgin’ me! As if ye are free from sin! I know ye an yer deeds! Ye sit up on yer throne actin’ all high an’ mighty, passin’ judgment on yer peasant stock likes ye are all troubled an’ worn out!”
An’ at that, she spits on the floor afore the King whilst ‘e stares at ‘er wide eyed from unnerneat’ ‘is ‘elmet. ‘E ain’ never ‘ad anyone speak tae ‘im in such a fashion afore. So, out o’ perplexion, ‘e orders the lass thrown intae a cell ‘til ‘e feels like dealin’ wit’ ‘er. Then ‘e cancels all everyone else ‘e ‘as tae judge that day an’ goes tae ‘is quarters in deep and considerin’ thought.
What right ‘ave I? Indeed. The King spends the night awake an’ walks the halls o’ the castle ‘opin’ tae put some rationale tae what right ‘e ‘as tae judge anyone. ‘Is Viceroy keeps ‘im company ‘as he collects ‘is thoughts on the matter.
“Indeed. I ‘ave no right tae judge. I am but a man.”
“Sire, thou art King! An’ this wretch ‘as broken one o’ the commandments! Ye ‘ave every right.”
“Nae. The wretch is correct. I ‘ave no right tae judge.”
“No man ‘as the right tae judge another man fer ‘e ‘as ‘is own actions tae be considered as well. I will surin’ meet mine maker an’ be ‘eld accountable fer mine sins.”
At that, the Viceroy cannot respond an’ so it is that the wretch is brought afore the King the next morn’. An’, jus’ as afore, she stares defiantly in the King’s face. ‘E looks ‘er dead on and most assuredly she’d a been afraid if’n ‘is ‘elmet were off then. ‘E speaks slowly enough fer ‘er tae unnerstan’ ‘im. Y’know, so’s there weren’t no confusion.
“Ye assessment on the eve afore was correct. Fer me, I ‘ave no place tae be judgin’ ye. If’n ye wish tae toss aside a decent marriage fer some miserable cur off the streets, so be it.”
Brief mummerin’s resonants throughout the massive court ‘all as no one can believe what the King ‘ad jus’ said. An’ the woman smiles an’ beams wit’ acceptance o’ what she perceives tae be a kingly apology.
“‘Owever. Being as how ye thrive about mine house, I figures, the ‘ell wit’ ye. Let God be thine judge. Toss ‘er tae the lions!!”
The woman’s eyes go wide in terror as she finds ‘erself being drug tae ‘er fate. An’ that’s the end o’ me tale. Get from it what ye wish, but I tell ye, some peoples jus’ don’ know when theys got it good.
And so we come to the end of another reading for the week. Of course, you’ll still have some LOM (Left of Midnight) to look forward to on Sunday, as well! I’ll definitely share the link when that’s available for purchase! And, as always, feel free to share your opinions below. I do value feedback.
Alright, here’s where you can find this story as well as others:
The first volume of my Three Stories collections: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B08F5FPLJX/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i7
Tales From A Strange Mind, Volume One:
And paperback edition: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0848P91BK/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i18
While I’ve got you here, why not check out my Author’s Page as well? I have so much more to offer up on there and I’d love it if you’d support the cause! https://www.amazon.com/Timothy-Purvis/e/B085Q62XRP?ref=sxts_sxwds-bia-wc-drs1_0&qid=1601825559&sr=1-1-f6b8d51f-2c55-4dc3-89ad-0c3639671b2d
Thanks again and read to you later!
~Timothy S Purvis
Did you know I’ve released several books this year? No? Well, here’s a link for one of them now! Go check it out!